


To The Edge

by Crimson_Star



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angry Doctor (Doctor Who), Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lucie Miller - Freeform, Spoilers for BF Audio: To The Death, Time War (Doctor Who), Time War Angst (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimson_Star/pseuds/Crimson_Star
Summary: Lucie Miller and The Doctor. A wonderful pairing in the Big Finish Audios with a terribly tragic ending. This is my interpretation of a very powerful scene from the story: To The Death. MAJOR SPOILERS for that episode and all of the Eighth Doctor & Lucie Adventures. If you understand the Doctor's love for his companions, this story will still make sense even without prior knowledge.
Kudos: 2





	To The Edge

Two people stood alone in the ruins of a building, stone rubble and shattered glass coating the ground around them. Dust and soot and ash had been kicked up into the air, falling all around in fine particles like some kind of dark snow. The two figures ignored their surroundings, completely focused on each other instead. The first figure was much shorter than the second. She had dark brown hair kept in a simple but attractive pixie cut. Her clothes, although one could tell they had once been stylish, were ripped and torn in several places. The cuts and bruises on her face did nothing to hide her elegant features.

She had been crying. Tear stains falling across the lines in her face. Susan was no longer the child that had been left behind on earth but the mature woman she became long after.

The man in front of her was tall and extremely slim. He wore a battered deep blue frock coat that reached down to his knees. This was paired with a form-fitting waistcoat that's original colour had long since been forgotten under layers of grim and bloodstains. A crown of unkempt brown hair fell in locks across his face, down to his shoulders.

A multitude of emotions battled for dominance across the young man's face.

"Grandfather?" the young woman questioned after a long silence.

The Doctor didn't seem to hear her. The hard anger on his face told her that his thoughts were a long way away. "Do you remember that time?" He snapped his attention to her, his eyes still burning behind his gaze. "A long long time ago. We were escaping from a bunch of murderous cavemen", he elaborated, "You, me, Ian, Barbara. And that wounded man was holding us up? Do you remember that?" His voice spoke of times long past. Susan nodded, not quite sure where her grandfather was going with this. "And for one moment, just-" Something unpleasant flickered across his face. "I entertained the possibility." Her eyes widened in shock as she understood. "I picked up a rock and I-"

"But you didn't do it did you?" she interrupted. She knew what he was getting at and she refused to let him go down that line of thinking. "You didn't kill that man."

"Only because Chesterton stopped me!" the Doctor countered. "Direct action, that's what that was." His eyes blazed, consumed by his twisted revelation. "Maybe I should be more like that now. Maybe I've gone soft". He spat out the last word, resenting it with his every being.

Susan watched the grieving man with tears in her eyes. Struggling to push away the rampant sea of emotions for her Grandfather's sake. "I know how much Lucie meant to you." she whispered.

This sparked something in the Doctor who turned to her almost aggressively. "No!" he corrected, "How much she means to me! Time is relative, isn't it? I am a Time Lord. What does Time mean to me? It's not fixed!" desperation shone in his eyes. He needed that to be true. "Our people made all those rules and regulations for what?" he screamed.

Susan looked at him in shock. "To prevent chaos!", she answered a little too quickly.

The Doctor shook his head in disdain. "Well how much chaos would it bring to go back and save Lucie Miller?", he asked honestly, "At the point of impact, just snatch her into the TARDIS?" Angry tears streamed unbroken down his face. He was finding it hard to breathe. "What would that do except… save… one of the noblest inhabitants of the universe?" Anguish shone on his young face. Nothing but the unbridled rage that still coarsed through him, kept him from sinking to his knees.

"But you know you mustn't do that", Susan answered unwaveringly, "You know it in your hearts".

The Doctor let out a broken, humourless laugh. "Do I?" he asked himself. "I don't think I do anymore. I don't think I know anything anymore!". He swallowed hard before turning away from his Granddaughter. Tears still falling as he attempted to hide them. He fumbling clumsily for his TARDIS key for several moments before finding it.

"What are you going to do?", Susan asked as evenly as she could manage.

He ignored her question as he finally fitted the TARDIS key into the lock.

"You'd better come with me", he growled. His voice was frighteningly low as he opened the door and made a grab for Susan's hand.

Susan pulled her hand fearfully out of her Grandfather's reach. "Why?" she demanded.

The Doctor stared at her until he could not bear to hold her gaze any longer. "To stop me", he answered as he looked away. True, utter fear of his own nature shining in his eyes. "Curb me", he continued, almost to himself, "Look after me. Don't you want to make sure your bad old grandfather doesn't take the laws of time into his own hands?" he tried to smile sardonically, but succeeded only in what looked like a grimace of pain.

A horrid realization dawned on Susan's face. "I'm not sure I like what's happening to you Grandfather." she said, a hint of coldness entering her words.

The Doctor seemed to stop as the fight left his body. "Yes." he responded bitterly. Trying to swallow a new host of emotions that threatened to erupt. "You know It's probably best you leave me alone." He waved his hand dismissively. Suddenly he looked infinitely older. He seemed to collapse in on himself as he let out an audible breathe filled with pain. "I suppose the Universe was bound to do this to me eventually wasn't it? A Universe that contains such unrefined evil as the Daleks. Or wanton amorality as the Monk" His eyes smoldered with a terrible quiet fury. "It was bound to push me over the edge."

As he turned his back, the Doctor did not see the spark of fear that shone in his Granddaughter's eyes, "Where will you go?"she asked desperately.

"To the edge". Everything was different now. He could feel it in his hearts.

"Maybe beyond". Nothing would ever be the same. Not after Lucie Miller. He was leaving this wretched place a new, changed man. The Doctor disappeared into the TARDIS and flew away.


End file.
